Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Amy Winehouse has completed re-hab and claims she is clean & sober. She also wants to be known as Amy Grapehouse.

   The only thing that could make this pizza better would be an s.

   I download illegally simply because I simply don't want to pay for stuff

   Thinks it's time to start working out. I'm used to my stomach jiggling when I brush my teeth, but now it won't stop until I finish rinsing.

   I must find time to practice for my vuvuzela recital.

   Likes being vague.. because its almost as fun as doing this other thing..

   just passed a holiday cocaine drug bust. It looks like some people are gonna be denied a white Christmas this year.

   that people think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

   the best part of not having a life...is not having to worry about a mid-life crisis

   strongly abides by the motto: "Safety third."

   I don't tell lies, just fiction short stories

   I'm doing what I've always done... Learning from the mistakes of others who take my advice.

   Today is a whole new day to f*ck up!

   If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

   Stop looking at your phone. No one texted you.

   Many advertisers are taking Tiger Woods' name out of their advertisements because the association is becoming too embarrassing. In a related story, New Jersey is thinking of removing their name from the Nets.

   when everything's coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

   The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.

   Believe nothing of what you hear, and only half of what you see.

   trying to complete his Margaritaville. I still need that lost shaker of salt, 5th of tequila, some fresh lime juice, triple sec, and a flip flop. Thanks guys!