Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Today, I was thinking who got all that Gaddafi's cool sunglasses.

   Its just one of those days, there is a party in my pants and I wasnt even invited.

   Apparently drinking those Screwdrivers last night didn’t tighten any of the loose screws in my head

   First and foremost, I would like to thank my legs. Without them I would not be standing here today.

   My car is making an odd noise right now, but I treat my car problems like my emotional problems, ignore them until a breakdown.

   If you are a man and your girl is taller than you. I am going to assume you're a lesbian couple.

   The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.

   I'm bringing Tipsy back.

   I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness

   it is such a big waste how Jodan's national carrier is called Royal Jordanian airline instead of Air Jordan

   one male, one female, one ex trying to mess it up and one friend secretly hoping it ends.

   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

   I don't understand why people reward others with "brownie points." I can't eat or buy anything with those. Just bake the f*cking brownies.

   Say what you want... Yes we all love Facebook.... And we can complain if we want... If it wasn't for us FB users that are complaining... It would just be another My(waste of)space... And FYI... The advertising pays the bills....

   Its my birthday today and I am feeling so special even the supermarket doors are opening by themselves when they see me coming through.

   So I guess Amish gangs are going around and cutting beards off of other Amish people. That's some hardcore gangsta sh*t right there

   Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

   5 reasons why I'm not a pimp. I remember birthdays, I give rides to the airport, I lend money to people, I relax on sundays and I have a horrible backhand..

   They say getting over someone is directly proportional to how much they meant to you. That was the hardest 15 minutes of my life.

   I just bought 4 new pairs of underwear.. Which means I can wait 4 more days until I have to do laundry again.