Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   wondering what poor country will be receiving all the Texas Rangers 2011 World Series Champions T-shirts

   for a perfectly shaved forearm reach for the last Pringle in the can....

   Fact: Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.

   It's only a matter of time until "Security Cameras of Wal-Mart" is a reality TV show.

   Facebook account for sale, Friends included.

   When I first met my girlfriend two years ago she told me she was Bi. Little did I know it was "Polar".

   My kid's hamster died, so I just glued some googly eyes on it and told him it was high on meth.

   Marry someone funny. I'm serious.

   When your boss asks why you’re late. Just shrug and say “thug life.” Bosses don’t mess with thug life.

   Miley Cyrus is actually doing a pretty good job distracting all of us from her pretty awful music.

   The year is 2170... All fossil fuels are depleted... Our only source for coal is Santa Claus... Everyone must be naughty for the sake of mankind.

   My daughter kicked me out of her imaginary tea party when I asked if she had any vodka.

   Stupid autocorrect always making me say things I didn't Nintendo.

   Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.

   Damn. Facebook has more movies than Netflix.

   Dale Jr won.....there hasnt been this much excitement in the trailer park since number 9's meth lab blew up

   Proverbs 9:8 "do not correct a scoffer, or he will hate you" or in modern words "haters gonna hate"

   Don't think of them as gingers. Think of them as sweet potato people.

   My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.

   Reverse cowgirl, so you don't have to see her disappointment.