Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   stuck between a rock and someone I want to hit with it.

   Stubbing your toe is only a light switch away.

   Can we go one day without hearing about the Vikings drama! Moss, Favre, Childress, Harvin, etc.... Fire Childress and get it over with Ziggy! He sucks as a coach anyway.

   thinking we need to change the term "Big Brother" to "Creepy Uncle."

   Typos: The cause of many trivial arguments.

   I consider gluttony my patriotic duty today.

   sum girls r made of suga and spice...my girls r made of vodka and ice!!

   when life hands you apples, make apple juice!....or I guess you could just eat the apples, its really your call

   glad Justin brought sexy back, I didn't mean to scare it away to begin with.

   likes long walks on the beach,nights spent on a beanbag infront of a good movie, and sometimes in private likes to dress up like Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockeystick!

   no matter how many years go by I still always end up getting banished to the kid table.

   Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. ~Jane Wagner

   Don't tell me I'm insulting your intelligence when it's obvious you have none

   Words of wisdom: Just be yourself, everyone else is taken.

   When you find someone who finally understands you, the world will go away.

   You know you've been married to long when your wife's favorite toy in bed is an Iphone

   Now that KFC has dropped the phrase "Finger licking good" maybe Doritos could use it.

   did I really just see a guy on a bicycle carrying a 30 rack of Busch?

   a stranger in a strange land. And that land is Denny's at 3am on a weekend.

   I wish they would make hold music for cell phones