Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You would think that by now those dumbass sickos that get busted on Dateline NBC's show To Catch a Predator would just haul ass as soon as they saw the clothes basket.

   When I'm at the bar, I buy women drinks based on how high their heels are just so I'll have something to laugh at later when they're drunk.

   Always be yourself. Unless you need a ride home from the airport, then be whoever's name is on the closest limo driver's card.

   Love is not always sunshine and flowers. Sometimes it is thunder and lightning.

   BBC News: Gaddafi 'launching cluster bombs'. Rebel forces to retaliate with Honey nut missile.

   Feisty & Non compliant, can I get a behavior plan over here?

   Shouldn't those polar bears have diabetes by now???? #tooMuchCoke

   You must hate it when people make assumptions about you.

   The best thing about Valentine's day being over next week will be no more Vermont teddy bear commercials.

   I could have lived forever without knowing grandpa had a 'dong down to his knees' but thanks for the visual grandma.

   my phone battery dies faster than a slut in a horror movie

   My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.

   I haven't been laid in such a long time that my virginity is beginning to grow back.

   "Kill confirmed." ... "Grandma please, not at the funeral." -_-

   I guess if you spoke your mind you wouldn't have much to say....

   I'm fine" -All pissed off girls

   I'm having an identity crisis... I can't afford to be me... Can I be you? You're cheaper.

   In order to pull off wearing a bathrobe in public, you either have to accomplish something amazing or lose your will to live.

   Has A Bigger Possibility Getting Killed On My Way To Buy A Megamillion Ticket Than Winning It

   Check out my brilliant & insightful new article in REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY TODAY! On 2nd thought, don't. It's not for you.