Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I love how the best things in life are unexpected

   The easiest way to confuse a woman is to give her a choice.

   I don't like to boast,, So I don't....... I'm probably the best at not boasting,, Actually... The very best.

   Hey evolution, how about a second liver?

   I think I'm falling in tolerate with you.

   Perhaps the greatest fashion revolution was moving the pads from the shoulder to the bras

   The five second rule also applies to wearing sunglasses indoors.

   My healthcare policy basically only covers taking off my shoe to twist my sock around a little bit so the seam isn't right under my toe

   My body language must be in a foreign language because nobody seems to understand me.

   I liked my mirror from 10 years ago much better than the one I have now...

   I love a woman that can shoot a gun, but I fear a woman with good aim.

   I bet socks and disposable contact lenses have abandonment issues

   I should've asked for eight maids a-milking.

   i just found out liquid dayquil has alcohol in it.. no wonder I feel so good

   I think I had too much to think :-(

   "I need you to understand something that I can never explain." ~ Heart to brain.

   The funnest thing about the end of a relationship is being honest about why you pretended to love each other.

   The only time to lower expectations is 30 minutes before the bar closes

   If I forget my iPhone when going to the bathroom, I don't care if its the directions on toothpaste, I'm reading it.

   Jealousy makes you look insecure. And fat