Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.

   Every time I break up with a Japanese girl I have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.

   After I masturbate I make shadow puppets on the wall and say annoying things like "hold me" and "what are you thinking" to keep things realistic.

   the New Facebook Chat! You have friends Online.. But you have to guess who more then half of them are!"

   You think its hot where you're at...... you should feel it where I am - Osama Bin Laden

   A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

   Boys Laugh at what they put Girls through but they wont be laughing when they are wiping tears off their Daughters face for the same reason.

   ...just heard that Tampax is replacing the strings with tinsel this month. ...Ladies, get them soon, supplies only last for the Christmas period!"

   Has just been kidnapped by a fat man in a red suit and put in a bag, ALRIGHT! FESS UP! Who put me on there Christmas list?

   Am I the only one that thinks it's creepy for women to call their men "Daddy"?

   I ran out of deodorant this morning and tried my wife's Secret deodorant and I can tell you fella's it really is "strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman."

   Why do people feel comfortable texting you things they would never have the guts to say to your face?

   Anyone else think that facebook's picture for a woman who does not have a profile pic looks like Darth Vader...

   I hope Obama held the gun sideways when he shot Bin Laden.

   Angry Birds suicide hotline, which level are you stuck on?

   I'm changing my relationship status to 'It's complicated' ...I can never decide which hand to use

   Fellas: When you are making love to your woman and she starts reaching for things that aren't there, then you know you are doing it right.

   Need a distraction today? Not only does 11+2=12+1, but also when you rearrange the letters in "eleven plus two," you get "twelve plus one." How many letters in each phrase? Thirteen.

   The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop

   Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.