Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sometimes I like to order my food "to go" then eat the whole thing at the counter while staring the cashier right in the eye

   Dear girls, If a boy sends you a friend request, that means he wants to be your friend not your husband. That's why it says a friend request...

   "Addadictome",,,,,,,,,,,,,You know,, It's a procedure,,,, I think Chaz Bono had it.

   hates people who use facebook to exhibit depression and their general hate for the world...this is not therapy ppl. I dont give a f***

   how much dub would a dubstep step if a dubstep could step dub

   This status update is brought to you by your drug addiction to facebook.

   Dear 3rd stall over, flushing the toilet does not disguise explosive diarrhea. Thought you should know.

   To my fb friends that are addicted to farmvillle or farmtown or whatever it is...If you didn't notice, I do not participate~ However if you feel the need to send me things, in my real world, I could use a mansion on the beach with 3 maids, 1 cook, at leas

   Today I'm wearing my new underwear, On the front it reads "I would do anything for love" and the back says "But I wont do that"...

   I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...

   Kennedy put a man on the moon, Obama put a man in the ladies room.

   HEY,,,People of Canada: Why do you leave all of your coins here?

   Every time something like this BATMAN thing happens, the yanks try to take the guns off the people who were not doing the shooting. Just saying, the rest of the world!

   It must have been really strange for Jesus to be the only white guy in the entire Middle East.

   wishes his lawn was emo, then maybe it would cut itself.

   Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because those that can run,jump and swim are already in the U.S.

   I get offended when others talk while I'm interrupting.

   Remove the vowels from FEMALE.

   I told some guy his fly was open. He asked me if I noticed a soldier standing at attention. I said. "No, I saw a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

   I like my sex like I like my belts... If it's not tight enough, I'll move it to another hole .