Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   In a hotel with thin walls and heard a girl in the next room say "It's better without protection". She must've fired her body guard or something...

   Remember this weekend to help your girl relax by telling her she "needs to relax."

   In his defense, everyone sounds drunk when they say "I'm Shia LaBeouf"

   Lacrosse is my favorite sport that combines looking like you're trying to catch a butterfly with having no friends @JhonRules

   Once the trust goes in a relationship, there's no point lying to them anymore.

   wishes she had a theme song whenever she did something awesome.

   We were having too good of a time to worry about what would happen tomorrow.[Summer.oh10]

   It's fun to email news headlines to a buddy when a hurricane has the same name as his ex. "Hermine leaves trail of destruction", "Hermine won't stop blowing in Gulf Coast". Yeah, that's her alright.

   I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn

   I have to go to work after getting my braces tighten, so this will be a good test to see which is more enjoyable.

   told that he had great potential but applied himself innappropriately. To my responce....Thanks?!

   found the pot at the end of the rainbow. To bad the leprechaun already smoked it!

   has the feeling she needs to do the housework, gonna sit down with a coffee and wait for the feeling to pass

   The liver is evil. It must be punished

   If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

   I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

   an organ donor (see inside for details)...

   The only time I don't 'get it' in a good way is at work.

   Can you believe that people are actually paying Atheists $150 to take care of their pets after the Rapture???!!! I'm just mad because I paid more than that for them to harvest my crops on Farmville.... :(

   I am either going to hell or the rapture was a hoax!!