Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You would think that the 4 page instructions/warnning packet for Adderall, would include narritive pictures.

   If I've given you my time & an opportunity & you squandered both, don't question why I'm not in your bed tonight.

   I'm still wondering why people were so uptight about that meteor that nearly hit earth a few days ago....It seems to me we are perfectly capable of destroying ourselves without any assistance from an asteroid!

   Finally changed my mood on MySpace to "ninja" but nobody saw me do it.

   Don't worry there are plenty other fish in the sea. None as attractive as the one that just dumped you but plenty other fish!

   starting the diet on monday or when walgreens runs out of maked down christmas candy

   "They're meh." --Tony the Tiger, off his Paxil for a few days

   Say what you want about Buffalo Bill but that guy had phenomenal sewing skills.

   Sending a risky text & thinking.. “Oh god, they hate me,” if they don't respond within 30 seconds.

   Dating a psyho woman is like dropping the soap in jail. You wish you never made that mistake in the first place!

   A proponent of tolerance should be bullied, harassed and stalked for a hundred times to make them see the light and get a clear understanding of tolerance.

   you know you gave up on life when you eat your breakfast, lunch and dinner from a "bacon bowl"

   I'm still mad at you for saying I hold grudges.

   People who post stuff like, "I am so angry right now", "I am bored" or "I am eating supper" what exactly do they expect us to do with this information? Are we suppose to care or something? What's the correct etiquette here?

   Watching these individualized Facebook movies while I am alone stinks. There's no one to ask "What did she just do? or Who is that guy?"

   Look at it like this, if you're single than you saved money today. . .

   With the gov't shutdown, who will protect our borders? Asking for an amigo...

   First 20 mins of my day: I don't wanna get in the shower, I don't wanna get in the shower. Next 20 mins of my day: I don't wanna get out of the shower, I don't wanna get out of the shower...

   One more reason that beer is good for you is that it's easier for your body to process than most other beverages. This is because it doesn't have to stop to change color.

   Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.