Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

   Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Well everyone except you! (You know who you are).

   Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you

   Got a copy of The Christmas Story today...I was surprised they edited the DVD down to 96 minutes...I always enjoyed the 24 hour version of the movie

   It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Guys, do your part to make sure that cancer doesn't steal second base.

   Sooo.. In between Mundane Monday.. And Whip'em Out Wednesday.. I now proclaim today as.."Touch ur Toes Tuesday!" Because people are just so eager to F*ck you every chance they can get!

   A Happy Meal without a toy should be called a Sad Meal.

   Ugh, this girl who woke up in my bed is SO needy. She's all "Who are you?" "What'd you put in my drink?"

   I need a BAD GIRL with good INTENTIONS

   There's a new unit of measure which measures 72 days - a Kardash.

   If there is one thing I learn from every mistake is I'll never get caught that way again.

   I'm placing myself in "time-out" until I'm able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!

   Dear Ladies: Wear more confidence than makeup.

   Your beauty is so rare, no one can find it.

   Remember when Disney used to produce cartoons, not teen sluts?

   Thought of something brilliant? Just google it, and you will soon realize how uncreative you really are.

   "Lets talk about safe IPs. Let's talk about piracy. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things on your PC."

   I just dipped my Kit Kat into peanut butter and now I know why dogs will bite you if you get too close to their food

   I hate it when I read something on her3 thats so funny that I burst out laughing it makes my neighbors realize that I'm hiding under their bed.

   *Moments Before Ending A Phone Call: "All right, cool, yeah, ok, haha yeah, I know right!, tomorrow, yep. later man. all right..bye" (click)