Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I said I don't want to talk to you, I didn't say ignore me. - WOMEN

   Accepting a Facebook friend request from someone you follow on twitter is like bringing home your drug dealer to meet your family.

   What if your giving a guy a bj in the shower and he starts shampooing and conditioning your hair.

   So one of the kids shouted "TIGGA PLEASE!"..... and that's the story of why my wife doesn't let me watch Winnie The Pooh with the kids anymore.

   Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the racoons and squirrels that it can be done.

   All Jay-Z's problems have been undone by his brother, Ctrl-Z.

   I'm sorry Will and Kate...but every baby born is a prince or princess

   A procrastinator's work is never done...

   Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.

   I just pooped at my girlfriend's house for the first time, and now I'm single again.

   if your morning beverage isn't half booze/half coffee, you're doing Saturday wrong...

   Oww a dorito just stabbed the roof of my mouth...how could something I love so much hurt me like this.

   Some people need to write a book, rather then tell Facebook.

   I’m having potato salad for lunch. Well, potatoes and olives. Fermented potatoes. I’m having a vodka martini for lunch.

   I've met some real pricks in my time but you my friend are the cactus.

   My art teacher asked me to draw a chameleon... I submitted a blank page.

   Just saw a big gal's tramp stamp when she bent over. I'm not sure if it was a butterfly or a pterodactyl.

   I'm really on the fence with this election coming up. I wish people would post more on Facebook to help me make this difficult decision easier said no one ever.

   After he stops crying, can I try again, I promise I can juggle babies.

   Hey Justin Beaver!!! Vanilla Ice called.......he wants his hair back