Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ex girlfriends are like herpes...... you ignore them for a few months and then BAM, theyre back, obnoxious as ever.

   The Eskimo's allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also...

   Poor Snooki, Charlie Sheen wouldnt even hit that.

   Don't be pushed around by your problems; be led by your courage.

   The proper word that describes you would be vinegar sac. Yep, I just said douche bag but in a fancy way!

   The later I get, the drunker it is.

   Don't type to me in THAT tone of voice!

   I can't stand those people who hate football but still go along to games to deliberately cause trouble and ruin them for everybody else. Bloody referees.

   I just kicked my shoe off my foot and it bounced off the excercise ball and hit me in the face

   Johnny,if you have 13 chocolate bars.Then you give 5 to Anita,4 to Krystyn n 4 to June. What'll you have? Johnny: 3 new girl friends

   Dancing with the Stars 2011: The last time I saw the names of these "stars" was when I last played the Trivial Pursuit "Nobody Gives a Crap" Edition.

   WARNING!!!! New virus on FB! (ASTC-virus, AssStuckToChair). The virus glues you to your chair for several hours! No housework will be done, children will starve and the dog will not get its walk. You're likely to lose all contact to the outside world. Put

   I think it would be cool to actually see a tornado before I die, just not RIGHT before.

   I have no idea how I got 80% of my stuff.

   You know its time to move on when you start falling asleep during sex.

   Metaphorically Speaking...Beware of those self-absorbed people that are more concerned with the scratch on their car than the people in the car they hit

   changed my relationship with Facebook to "Its complicated"

   Whenever a women's magazine has a "Sex Tips to Drive Him Wild!" article, it always just says "Put your finger up his butt."

   I believe an increase in the availability of jeans with elastic waist bands would boost America's morale immeasurably.

   My feet must be gross. I can only get the wife to rub them if i'm wearing clean socks, but if one of the kids puke, she will catch it in her hands to avoid a mess.