Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   People who dream big sleep a lot.

   Have you heard about that new film about the tractor? I only saw the trailer

   Oprah needs to admit she's a lesbian trapped in a fat mans body

   The last time I had sex, I was so excited afterward I fired my musket skyward, alerting the Confederates to our presence.

   After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

   Hey,,,,Can any of you people possibly recommend 30 or 40 books on hoarding?

   I really wish I knew why my real parents sent me to Earth without my superpowers.

   Time to buy groceries. More food in a crack house than around here!

   "Dr. Oz" sounds like the guy you'd buy shrooms from in community college.

   You can tell whether or not your relationship is going to last by simply watching her eat a Popsicle.

   Never trust a woman with smelly armpits.

   Gotta hand it to midgets sometimes. You know, cause they can't reach and all.

   Ladies: Can we have more head and less headaches please!!

   When your favorite song comes on and you excitedly say "Yo this is my jam!" You should know, I die a little bit inside for knowing you.

   Living on Earth may be expensive...but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun :)~

   A Tibetian Mastiff was sold in China for 600,000 dollars. You can buy the same dog in Vietnam for 5 dollars and it includes a side of fries and a drink.

   Internet postings show that the Northwest Airlines terrorism suspect was depressed and lonely. Apparently the thought of arriving in Detroit just put him over the edge.

   Ran into a flasher today, but it's so cold out he handed me a picture instead!

   believes that if you tellyour boss what you really thinkof him, the truth will set youfree.

   It's easy for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if its been though a blender first....