Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I see all these women outside in short skirts. If they don't catch frostbite, they'll definitely catch an STD

   In hindsight, allowing girls into our treehouse would have been a great idea.

   Doctor Oz: When a woman goes for too long without sex, she loses feelings in her clitoris. You heard the good doctor ladies...

   What I expect to see when I pull back the shower curtain: 99% Murderer waiting to kill me. 1% Empty shower

   I listen to the first 30 seconds of an accidental butt dial like I'm in an FBI van.

   ❒ Taken ❒ Single ✔ Depends on how drunk I am.

   I'm not going to lie to you. There's a good chance that at some point, I will probably try to do you. That's just how I roll.

   This beer tastes like I'm not waking up until the afternoon.

   Everytime a toilet overflows a flushed fish gets its revenge.

   It's protesting when civil rights are violated. Protesting for not getting your way is called whining.

   WOW ... It was actually easy to go to Home Depot today.

   If you cant afford a kid, then shut your legs.

   Can't afford a Carnival Cruise? just camp out next to a Port-a-Potty.

   When people don't know what's going on in your life they SPECULATE....When they think they know...they FABRICATE...AND when they do know.......they just HATE

   A horse walks into a bar. A chicken crosses the road. A lot of animals do things. It is not our place to judge.

   Fun activity of the day, making DJ scraching sounds with my hoodie zipper!

   The only difference between sanity and insanity is someone else's opinion.

   Tell a woman she has cute kids and she's all proud. Whisper it to her and she calls the cops.

   Ever just apologize for no reason whatsoever? No? It must be nice being single.

   does this hybrid make me look gay??