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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Grew up in a neighborhood so tough, all the kids put onions in their ‘no tears’ shampoo.
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03-22-2021 09:28
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I got mugged by 6 dwarves last night... Not Happy.
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11-10-2019 12:51 by
Gabe
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I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. The sign said BREAD IN CAPTIVITY.
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02-05-2020 06:04
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Tampax is the newest sponsor of NASCAR. If you're looking for tickets to the Tampon 500, I could pull some strings!
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02-16-2020 19:45
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Rapper "Pop Smoke" has died. Please respect my privacy at this time, while I try to figure out who the heck he was.
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02-20-2020 19:43 by
BigToe
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Every disaster movie starts with the government ignoring a scientist.
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03-20-2020 19:41
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Some youths have stolen all the bus stop signs down my road... Where do they get off?
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04-01-2020 12:46
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Fun Fact: Alcohol increases the size of the "send" button by 95%...
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05-17-2020 13:27 by
Gabe
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Going to Wal-Mart will help build up your immune system for just about everything except Covid-19...
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05-19-2020 16:27 by
eengrms
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The wife asked me to sell my Hall and Oates collection. I said I can’t go for that, no can do.
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06-02-2020 17:01 by
DJJackson
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I want to hear 99 people sing 'Africa' by Toto. It's something that a hundred men or more could never do.
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06-13-2020 15:12 by
Dp
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I wear a mask in public, not only because the vast majority of doctors say it’s safe and an effective way to combat COVID-19, but also to hide my second chin.
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06-23-2020 08:57
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Tu pac's of Eminems are 50 cents, That's Ludacris! I want my Nickelback.
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04-14-2010 21:24 by
Marshall the Great
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There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy. The 1st is to take her shopping.. The rest is 69..
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11-27-2010 14:02
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Hope all the gun haters are watching "A Christmas Story" right now, Ralphie just got his Red Ryder BB Gun!
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12-25-2012 12:22
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As long as there is someone up in heaven to protect me, there is no one on earth who can mess with me.
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09-20-2011 11:10
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The NBA has canceled the first two weeks of the regular season. In a related story who cares.
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10-10-2011 23:05 by
Will
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Laptop speakers... too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
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10-12-2011 00:03 by
ambii
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not sure what's worse.... finding out Darth Vader is your father or remembering that the day before you were trying to f*ck your sister??
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10-07-2010 14:54 by
levon
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wondering when a Jehovah Witness dies and gets to Heaven if God hides behind the Pearly Gate and pretends he's not in?
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01-26-2010 10:39
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3
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