Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ok, it's official...I spend way too much time on facebook. I just caught myself giving my boss a thumbs up because I liked something He said.. God help me!

   Nobody notices what I do..until I don't do it.

   If you don't like being tailgated, then don't play movies I like.

   I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.

   My thermostats are revealing just how cold it is today ~ Note to self: Get a thicker bra...

   moving with his auntie and uncle in bel-air

   I got along fine before I knew you. I'll get along find after.

   Why is it that Volvic Mineral Water, which has been filtered through volcanic rock for millions of years, has a Best Before date?

   We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

   Every time I hang out with my old roommate from college, we get drunk. I think he may have a drinking problem…

   I'm not the jealous type. And no I don't know why every time you talk to someone the police find their body dumped in a river the next day.

   "They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.

   I wasn't whole until we met. Only now am I a complete idiot.

   When my girlfriend and I decided to make it official, I told her: I have to tell you, before we met, I was... well...promiscuous. Oh cool she exclaimed. I love Greek mythology.

   I wasnt planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!

   If I let you control the music in my car, it means I would probably take a bullet for you.

   Angry sex is awesome, but I wouldn't recommend oral till the makeup sex

   Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

   LIL KIM IS STILL ALIVE?

   Beggars should be abolished. It annoys one to give to them, and it annoys one not to give to them.