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I'm drunk and horny but not "call my ex" drunk and horny... 
O.J. gave Broncos a better name
My son is really struggling with english in school. Nobody else in his class can speak it.
So ABC/Disney cancel "Last Man Standing".... The Hollywood left strikes again.
Do rednecks get fatter so they can have bigger tattoos?
Sorry, but sleeping with someone named "Stormy" doesn't make you an expert on hurricanes.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.
Channel X Is Temporarily Not In Service. Please Tune In To Your Own Life For Your Regularly Scheduled Broadcast.
So here we are at the beginning of a new year. After spending this past week reflecting on 2009, I've discovered that I was right 98% of the time, so I'm not really concerned with the other 3% when I was mistaken
some advice for the youngsters on Facebook. You can do anything you want to do in life, unless Jay Leno wants to do it too
I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
it's not me or my actions that bug you, it's that you let them bug you.
translating naughty words on google translate.
A recent 100 million dollar study conducted by Harvard University just discovered that running out of money may be the main cause for Bankruptcy.
wonders if a bunch of Shamwows will help clean up the spill in the Gulf
Two girls, one cup.........The Williams sisters at Wimbledon.
If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of it
the grass may be greener on the other side... but it is just as hard to mow.
If we arent meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge?
My preferred answer to the question "Isn't it a bit early to start drinking?" is "It seems a bit late to be sober."
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