Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   sweating like a cat at a Chinese restaurant

   remembering the days when hey arnold and doug were apart of his everyday tv lineup

   ..hates her internal clock. It doesn't have a snooze button and it hurts to throw herself across the room..

   hates when his cat thinks outside the box!

   A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest ur own wife?" He said, "Call for backup."

   Tis the season again, the first snow! Please let me say to all idiots who think that since they have an SUV you somehow gain super powers and are invincible, TIRES ON ICE ARE TIRES ON ICE your 4x4 this doesn't stop you from sliding on ice you morons!

   they just said that the new year's ball weighs 12,000 pounds..... wait, I thought Snookie wasn't in the ball?? wtf

   Stop doing permanent things for temporary people!

   It isn't you, it's me. It's me wanting to be on top of people who aren't you.

   The first joint I hit I smoked behind Grandpa's barn. It made me dizzy, and I coughed a lot. "Don't worry, that always happens with the first hit," said Grandpa. "Try another hit." And you know, he was right!

   Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?

   4S = for steve?

   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

   I Helped an old lady cross the street today...had to .she was on my hood..!!!

   Its impossible to say the word "ironic" without some idiot saying "don't ya think"...Thanks a lot Alanis Morissette

   My million dollar idea: "Homework-flavored" dog food.

   I want a job naming military operations. It be great to hear a stoic general talk about how "Operation My little pony" was a success

   has decided the best response to "Suck it" is hereby known as "Sorry, I'm not allowed to put small things in my mouth!"

   Every day as the years go by I find myself missing a special certain someone from my past. Lucky for me my aim is improving.

   Hey guy walking down the street talking on bluetooth with a bag in one hand and nothing in the other, please use your free hand to slap yourself