Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If watching the big-screen TV with a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn't have couches at this Best Buy...

   Fart when people hug you.....it makes them feel strong.

   Some guy just asked me for the time like its 1993 or something.... "Hold tight my good fellow, allow me to fetch my time piece from my pantaloons"

   Fatty acids are just regular acids that take selfies from high angles

   Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?

   We Found Love in a Swollen Face - Chris Brown ft. Rihanna

   I have a plan that will give us oil for hundreds of more years. Unfortunately, it hinges on the Earth being shaped like a tube of toothpaste.

   The Best Things in life are unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we KISS, CRY, and DREAM.

   My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.

   The only thing worse than the “FRIEND ZONE” is the "SHE-THINKS-YOU-ARE GAY-ZONE".

   It's sad that we don't truly appreciate a person until they die.

   I don't understand why you're mad. I used YOUR name as my password, honey! :) Who cares if the "hint" to retrieve it is ....BlTCH?

   Emotionally: I'm done. Mentally: I'm drained. Spiritually: I'm dead. Physically: I smile.

   Someone's been sleeping in my bed, said Papa Bear. Someone's been sleeping in MY bed, said Mama. Why don't you share a bed?! cried Baby Bear

   Def Need a " facebook filter" to prevent all the weddings and babies from showing up on my feed.

   Women want to be equal to men in every aspect except dating. You all want the same positions in the rest of the world but still expect to be wined and dined. How about steaks and bjs for the guys.

   I illegally watched Hang Over Part 3 online and I still feel like I got ripped off.

   Those Blue Man Group guys need to find women. I didn’t realize it could spread like that.

   I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that's my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .

   Everyone is always talking about "getting high on Life" but this cereal sucks and it hurts my nose..