Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When are Korn and Hole going to tour together?

   Remember Jesus died for our sins, so if you aren't sinning, he died in vain.

   Help control the idiot crisis, get your democrat neutered or spayed.

   On next week's walking dead! Guest star Paul Walker!!!....still too soon?

   Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"

   If a republican is elected president, then America will have officially dispelled the rumor that once you go black, you never go back.

   To catch me, you gotta be fast; to find me, you gotta be smart; but to BE ME!! DAMN! You must be kidding!

   Hmmmm. Egypt's people protested and forced their president to resign...what's everyone doing this weekend?

   I am sick of USA blaming their presidents for everything! Help yourselves people! You elected him to be your leader not as your nanny!!

   "George W. Bush is nicknamed '43' because he was the 43rd President of the United States. Barrack Obama is nicknamed '44' because that is how many people have signed up for Obamacare."

   feels like pile-driving his whiny coworker thru a thick glass table bound with barbed wire into a pool of rubbing alcohol with rusty nails and then set it on fire and drink a beer...

   Lets take a minute of silence for the people of Syria who, without outside help or becoming a burden on any country's economy or taxpayers, are fighting bare hand for their freedom. We are with you in spirit.

   if a comedian is in a wheelchair, is it still stand up comedy? No, but it would still be wheelie funny.

   Dear Santa, us big girls like toys too just put them in the second drawer of my nightstand!

   I feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together.

   No, I didn't say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.

   SKY news announced that Tampax have signed on to sponsor Tiger Woods. A spokesman for Tampax said, "To sponsor a c*nt going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about".

   AN INTERESTING FACT ABOUT AUGUST 2010... This August has 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays, 5 Tuesdays, all in one month. It happens once in 823 years.

   Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

   I couldn't find the thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they'd seen it. Apparently, she left me a few days ago.