Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I put a Justin Bieber's song as my alarm tone and it works wonders cuz I wake up before it goes off so I don't have to listen to that shit

   that I have been married for 21 years andwe have had $ex almost everyday....almost Monday,almost Tuesday,almost Wednesday.....

   Wear jeans every day and nobody cares. Wear a shirt twice in a row and you're suddenly homeless in the eyes of everyone.

   Please don't curse and use bad words when you comment on my posts. My mother f*cking family is on Facebook. Thank you.

   I'm dreaming of a tight Christmas!

   Misplaced my smart car. Thought I left it on the counter... And yes, I checked in the couch cushions already

   I got 99 problems and walking over the Grand Canyon isn't one of them, # Insane.

   saw a whino eating grapes. I was like "Whoa, buddy. You have to wait....."

   The fact that I don't feel an ant crawling on me until it bites me makes me think that ninja school I went to was a total sham.

   Why when you wanna break up you hear this "u will never find someone like me?" NO Serious do you think that I leave you For being with someone like u????!

   Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

   Yoko Ono will once again oppose the parole of Mark David Chapman - the man who shot and killed John Lennon 30 years ago. Perhaps she ought to rethink that - I hear Chapman has a Jonas Brothers obsession now.

   Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.

   I would never tell someone how to do their job but I don't think each of the 78 items I purchased at the grocery store needed their own bag.

   Don't you hate it when people call or text you at 5 or 6am just to ask you "whats up?"... I mean really? I am now. thank you!!.."

   why does ben rothlisberger cry after sex? ... because the pepper spray hurts so much.

   My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

   Its pretty sad when even your xmas tree has blue balls.

   I try to be positive. Except on medical tests.

   knew she was nuts when squirrels started looking at her funny!