Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I know a lot of people that remind me of clouds. Mainly because as soon as they disappear my day is brighter.

   wondering if anyone else has noticed that the default facebook profile picture for females looks like a silhouette of darth vader

   No I did not watch the Royal wedding! What's the big deal? Two things kept me from watching it. They're called tesicles.

   checking in. I'm at a party with some people but not saying where or with whom because if you aren't here, you weren't invited.

   Syria: Riots stop when authorities use tanks. Italy: Riots stop as police fire rubber bullets. Greece: End to riots as police deploy water cannon and tear gas. England: Riots stop... because it's raining. Makes one proud to be British.

   When I was little, I thought my name was shuddup.

   I hope the penalty for providing false information to law enforcement officers includes sterilization.

   In life, every one of us is dealing with different kinds of problems. The trick is not about comparing your problems with other people, it's about solving your own.

   ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.

   You can have hundreds and hundreds of friends on Facebook, but that won't make you stop staying "WTF?" when that number goes down by 1....

   feels Ripped Off after having bought this book titled "How to Make a Woman Constantly Happy"..... 469 Blank Pages!! :-/

   Once in a while you need to ask yourself, If sex was removed from your relationship, would you still be together. Would you still have a relationship to talk about? Or you owe your relationship to great sex?

   If I seem to give a damn, please tell me. I would hate to be giving the wrong impression!!!

   "What do you mean the Broncos played last week?" -God

   I wish relationship history was as easy to delete as browser history.

   If you play a Ke$ha song backwards, you hear messages from Satan. Even worse, if you play it forwards you hear Ke$ha.

   At some point you just stop wiping your kid's ass for him and hope for the best.

   What would life be like without women? A pain in the as$.

   How long does it take for this Smart Water to kick in? I have been slipping it in her drink for 2 weeks now and as best as I can tell nothing has changed.

   I'm starting a new fad, it's called Walk the Plank. Basically, whenever you see someone planking, walk on them and then jump off.