Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's not a real party unless someone gets a d ick drawn on their face.

   Of course absence makes the heart grow fonder. Because thats when you forget what an annoying little bltch they can be.

   I'm so single my p 0rn is in a folder called p 0rn.

   If your relationship is in trouble, don't worry. Join facebook and fill the void in your soul with virtual people.

   Baby, does all this money make my d*ck look bigger?

   Maybe we should all get drunk and tell each other everything we’re too afraid to say sober.

   Patience is not a virtue! It's a gift. I am not gifted.

   I listen to smooth jazz from time to time, but it depends on which elevator I’m in.

   My wife says "YOU'RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.

   I love watching my girlfriend sleep. How her lips don't move and no words come out.

   Ladies call me Adobe Updater because every time I pop up they're like ugh not now

   the best play of this game so far is when Joe Namath's coin toss was intercepted by the ref

   Sorry I strangled you when I tried to untangle the Christmas lights.

   Someone should tell Disney that a "true love's kiss" has WAAAAY more tongue.

   The Shawshank Redemption but it's just me tunneling underground from the sofa to the mailbox so I don't have to talk to any of my neighbors.

   People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.

   There's a person out there for everyone, but for some women that person is 6 cats....

   OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?

   People who always have an answer for everything and will never say "I don't know", scare the hell out of me

   You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.