Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Love is just a chapter in a guy`s life.. But to girls ? It's the whole book.

   If I wave at you, you better wave back and not make me look stupid!

   Always remember: Sometimes you can make people UNHAPPY with your HAPPINESS.

   ‎11/11/11....my calendar is speaking to me in binary

   My eBay purchasing history can confirm that I'm an alcoholic.

   Talk is cheap... Thats why everyone can afford to talk so much sh!t!

   I'm starting to think it's probably not that hard out there for a pimp.

   There should be some sort of device that instantly makes my bed less comfortable when my alarm goes off in the morning.

   today I was awoken at 3am by my child laughing hysterically in his sleep. All I could think of is "man I really wish I didn't watch so many horror movies cause I'm creeped out!"

   Fact: Guys don't like it when you compliment them on their gay apparel.

   If you let the bad things stop you, you'll never get to the good things.

   When I was a kid, I remember trying to stay up all night until the sun came up was such a challenge and so cool. Now its almost a ritual and dreaded.

   Okay, Bee Gees, I'll bite. What qualifies as "more than a woman"?

   Auditions are being held for you to be yourself. Apply within.

   Maybe it's the beer talking but I really love beer.

   Grandma just answered the TV remote when the phone rang...the only weird part is she had a ten minute conversation.

   You know you are in a bad part of town when you fear being robbed by the convenience store clerk...

   Those friends of yours who only call you when they're driving? They're bored, stuck in a car and totally using you

   ‎"Nothing tastes as good as how being fit feels", said the person who never had my grandmother's Manicotti.

   Im relocating to Colorado, I just heard the news; Colorado is now a weed state. I can smoke while voting next time around!