Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   just gave a woman my number in Roman numerals... if she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

   Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie.

   you can always tell if there's a police car in our area... Everyone in our street flushes their toilets at the same time!

   How come when women do it, they're "cougars," and when I do it, I'm "trespassing on school property"?

   A real woman avoids drama like a plague, for she knows her efforts and time are too precious and to be wasted on little minded people and their tantrums... Unless of course that woman is an alcoholic sexual deviant, then 'real' no longer applies.

   The internet is a great place to turn strangers into enemies.

   Gossip is the devil's radio station,so don't be the dj

   Democrats and Liberalism are both Mental Disorders... deal with them accordingly.

   I saw a gorgeous Thai woman on the subway today. I kept thinking, "don't get an erection, don't get an erection," but then she did.

   Happy 8-9-10 day, now make this day count. (little number humor. haha)

   Shot my first turkey yesterday....scared the sh!t out of everybody in the frozen food section!

   wow it's R. Kelly cold out there! And by R. Kelly cold, I mean "in the teens"

   Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

   Poke me again, and I will stab you.

   Could someone please call Al Gore and ask him to turn global warming back on?

   I don’t understand the whole concept of a massage. You get a woman to rub all over every single part of your body except the one part you really want rubbed on

   Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last as long for fat people!

   At least Mexicans make good immigrants and don't bomb nobody.

   A little girl walk pass her parents room, look in the key hole & says to her self "AND THIS BTCH GETS MAD BECAUSE I SUCK MY THUMB.!

   Look, kids. I think we can learn a valuable lesson from Whitney Houston's unfortunate passing. When snorting coke, wear a life jacket.