Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   To the people who upload full movies to YouTube: Get a life...also, thank you.

   I still don't know what Google's "I'm feeling lucky" is about.

   I just told a man his breath smells like coffee beans that were dipped in shi t. He's pissed but said he'll be back with my speeding ticket.

   I checked Rosetta Stone, they don't have "Black English" instruction & I don't know who to axe about it? #donlemon

   i wish we could go back to 1978 when life was good

   I installed a clapper in my bedroom last week so that I can turn my lights on and off by just lying in bed clapping my hands. I never really thought that one through... Every time I have a wank my room becomes like a nightclub with strobe lighting.

   Hey Tiffany, Hurricane Isaac is gonna hit the Gulf Coast. no where near the West coast.... got back to high school...

   Alright...who else is making plans to move to Colorado?

   Dear Taco Bell, Can you please include people drinking beer and getting high in your commercials. Sincerely, your core demographic.

   Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same movie roles..... After all,, You know what they say about old habits.

   This just in..... 2 white males in shootout in Atlanta

   A man can lose alot of money chasing women, but he will never lose a woman chasing money!

   I've decided that I'll never get down to my original weight, and I'm OK with that--After all, 6 pounds 2 oz. is just not realistic.

   wondering why is it that men can shoot a deer between the eyes from 100 feet away but they always miss the toilet bowl?

   People in relationships are so lucky they don't have to worry about what they look like anymore.

   If you've ever taken a baby to a movie, please set yourself on fire. Thanks.

   As a caucasian guy, I'm not allowed to say the "N word" but I can say "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and "Hi Dad."

   Once you go Black, you're a single Mom!!!

   if nothing goes right.... go left!

   How is it that Obama can send a team into another country, kill a man, dump the body in the ocean then go on TV and tell the World about it and everyone cheers...but, if I punch some jerk in the face, I'll go to jail...