Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A Blonde caught a fish and when asked how big it was she said “3 ½ pounds.” Then when asked how long? She said “It took me about 20 min”

   PERVERT: something we all are, but are too afraid to admit!

   Now that food has replaced sex,I can't even get into my own pants.

   Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

   Ever notice in movies that all the bad stuff happens after having sex? Like the Terminator showed up just minutes after the sex scene.

   At the end of the day its just ME...not YOU or YOUR feelings!

   Ever have one of those friends that has been there for you, took interest in what you do then just stops talking to

   You should see all the pissed Farmville people taking their Facebook frustration out on Twitter.

   modest and proud of it.

   Rock is dead; LONG LIVE PAPER!

   You dang woodchucks, quit chucking my wood!

   thinks that the mother and father bear from Goldilocks and the 3 bears had some relationship issues as evident from the fact that they had separate beds!

   I'm addicted to cold turkey and I don't know how to quit it.

   once my kid learned how to read I had to explain why all his Christmas presents said 'Made in China'

   wondering if anyone else thinks that the new Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan looks like Paul Blart in the "Mall Cop" movie?

   people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

   Divorce: When your wife stops screwing you, and her lawyer starts

   "Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times."

   I stand in an elite group, Procrastinators! The leaders of tomorrow...

   The worst thing about calling in sick today is not being able to post last night's rage fest pictures until this weekend.