Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Nothing Screams "You're stuck in friend's Zone" like when she tags you as her brother on FB

   I'd say popping your trunk to release 10,000 butterflies is the most magical way to elude the cops.

   Everyone knows MC Hammer pants were designed for shoplifting.

   It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

   thinking..what if I'm sexy and I don't know it?

   Trying to improve my street cred by lowering our minivan a couple inches.

   my Gwinnett county detention center uniform looks better than the rags the steelers are wearing tonight.

   Let me know when the power ball "Jokes" are over

   My girl is burping like she doesn't think I'm still gonna try and have sex with her tonight.

   Kristen Stewart looks like a sullen boy with no boobs. Thankfully Twilight is over.

   From political deadlock to fiscal cliff to sequester, the American Soap opera "All my White House & Congress' failures" continues to draw national disappointments & worldwide miseries.

   When the interviewer asks "Why do you want to work here?" don't answer "you'll find out!" and laugh maniacally

   Old movies make train travel look so romantic, but who in this day and age has time to solve a murder mystery?

   You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.

   If you develop a rash from your new girlfriend then discontinue use immediately.

   I'd vote for Darth Vader if I knew he could fix the economy.

   Every person has a story to tell, which is why I avoid talking to most people.

   We all have that ONE friend who checks in on Facebook when he is at Hooters and doesn't post pics.... Yeah..... Screw that guy.

   I told my girlfriend I wanted to take her to the fair because it would be romantic...that is better than admitting I just want cotton candy for dinner.

   If we are all unique, doesnt that mean we all have something in common?