Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   husband and wife are in bed watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". The husband asks for sex. The wife says, "No." > Her husband asks, "Is that your final answer?" > She responds, "Yes." He says, "Then, Id like to call a friend."

   How nice would it be if when you started rubbing yourself a genie came out, finished you off, cleaned you up & left a chocolate chip cookie.

   a blind man went to a silent movie ....

   If being Gay is supposed to be genetic, How do they pass it on to their kids?

   Why do men snore when they lie on their backs???.... Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and cause a vapor lock.

   (Q) Why are there no female hockey players in the NHL? (A) They don't want to go through 3 periods each game

   The word bed looks like a bed

   I love it when a girl tell me she is not a slut and then 2-hours latter I've got her feet behind her ears while screaming my name.

   Wow, some people will do anything for a "like" on Facebook. Anyways if you agree like my status.

   Milky way is Snicker's nutless gay little brother.

   Sometimes you gotta remind the hen who the rooster is.

   Copper wire was invented by two Jews fighting over a penny.

   ever had a nightmare so bad that when you wake up you feel like throwing a party to celebrate that it was only a dream.

   Teacher Johnny: Use the word HARASSMENT in a Sentence... Johnny: I was in Love with a girl and.. Her-ass-meant a lot to me

   Starbucks really isn't that expensive when you consider what Victoria's Secret charges per cup.

   You don't have to be perfect to be useful....the rusty nail still holds the roof on.

   I wonder what eminem is doing for mothers day

   I heard you are a PLAYA. Nice to meet you, I am the COACH.

   While someone is speaking to me, 80% of my inner dialogue is just wondering if my face looks interested

   It sucks when you pass by an incredibly good looking person, but then you realize it was just a mirror.