Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Walmart smells like ugly

   hates it when he goes to a house and Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC is there! This is the 5th time this week

   I never realized how many people I hate until I got on facebook...

   Some idiot in a nightclub came up to me and said, "I get 20 times more girls than you do! Haha!!."I replied, "20 x 0 = 0!" That shut him up.

   The best relationship is the one that's built on love and lust.. sry sry TRUST

   God couldn't be everywhere, so he created mothers. Happy mothers day!

   Your igloo or mine?

   Whenever I start to get tired of being single...I go sleep on the couch to remember what being in a relationship feels like

   There are two words guys hate: Don't and Stop...Unless those words are spoken together.

   I went to the chemist and said, "I'd like some deodorant please." The woman said, "Is it the ball deodorant you want?" I said, "No, underarm."

   Scientists have discovered a human jawbone that is over 2 million years old. They believe it belonged to a woman as it was still f-kin moving.

   Wait a min..she aint had a job in 2 years..And she had 10 lawyers?? Public Defender my ass...I guess its a good thing she wasnt a black girl named Peaches..Cuz she would have been Sh*t out of Luck...

   From now on if you type, LOL you should have to submit a video proving it.

   Hey Monday┌П┐(◕‿◕) ┌П┐

   I always call out my boyfriend's name during sex..... Just to make sure he's not around.

   When do you think Snooki gonna realize that she's a GRENADE?

   The Rapture isn't going to happen as long as people keep trying to predict when it will happen. Stop guessing, live life like you know your supposed to and He'll get here when He gets here!

   While the folks in Ferguson are busy protesting, Mexicans are taking their jobs...

   read a Chinese newspaper at lunch. After I was done, I felt the need to read another newspaper.

   I just shaved a hedgehog. It was pointless.