Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If Obama can't understand how an attack can cause negative repercussions, show him picutres of OJ and then the Kardashians.

   Am I the only one who saves all the marshmellows in my bowl of Lucky Charms for last?

   Last night I found an unopened can of warm Bud Light on the floor of a cab. I'll answer your question with a question. Did I have a choice?

   I have found, through my extensive research, that you apparently have to be missing teeth in order to witness a Bigfoot or UFO sighting.

   I'm off to work... not because I want to, but because I'm cleverly disguised as a responsible adult, and I don't want to blow my cover!

   Wow, I bet Bin Laden wishes he never completed his Census Form....

   u wrote me a note and it said "n ss!w !" ...it didnt make sense till I turned it upside down!!

   This weekend is either way too short, or I don't have enough Long in my Island Iced Tea...

   Drunk walking home is much more fun than drunk driving home, and much less dangerous. For instance, if you knock over something driving home, you are screwed. If you knock over something while drunk walking home, everyone cheers.

   It's not speed that kills you. It's the suddenly coming to a dead stop that does it.

   "Hold on playa!" ~ Ghetto Yield sign.

   Why does anyone want to go to Hell in a handbasket? Everyone whose ever been to the Supermarket knows that using a Shopping Cart would be so much better.

   WESTBORO BAPTIST'S: Military Funeral Protesters who'll one day bring their glowing personalities and heartwarming words to the Nether-Regions they'll share with other sincere folks like Hitler, Dahmer, Gacy, and Jack the Ripper.

   I dont have a dog, I eat my own homework.

   I'll be starting group meetings at my house for people with OCD. Not because I have it, but because I know someone will get the urge to clean up my damm house! OCD'ers...Cheaper than maid service!

   "You just elbowd my boob", "You just boobed my elbow.."

   It never ceases to amaze me how people will try to bring you down when you're on your way up. Two words for those soul suckers, fah q!

   "The Empire Strikes Back" is SO unrealistic... No WAY the black guy would ever admit to being the father.

   If Bruce Jenner can win woman of the year, I see no reason why Sarah Jessica Parker can't win the Kentucky Derby.

   re-naming his remote "G-Spot". Why you ask? 'Cause he can never find it.