Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Guys Don't Worry about Today, Your Women Can Be Satisfied with Only 8.5 cm ... and It Doesn't Matter If It is VISA or MASTERCARD !!!

   in a relationship with beer which gets complicated after 2am when I start downing single shots

   When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

   I'll have what the guy on the floor is having.

   time for all the bloodsuckers to come out again...not Halloween...election time

   Why do people thinks that pressin the elevator button manny times It will come down faster!

   Nothing's funnier than a baffled senior citizen reading a slang word out loud.

   Millions of theorems derived, thousands of formulas created but the fact remains the same. "X" is still unknown! Dammit!

   Hey, incessant seatbelt indicator beeping, I'll outlast you; just like your friend the gas light. You're not the boss of me!!

   there are two rules to getting rich. 1) Don't tell all you know

   Yes, I saw you dance. No, I don't have a dollar

   Too tired this morning to execute my plan for world domination

   Went camping this weekend adn learned taht the longest journey begins with not looking at a map.

   You'd think a $30,000 car would have a decent cup holder.

   the ancient myans predicted the end of the world in 2012...But mankind can barely predict a 5 day weather forecast....This is some bull sh*t!

   Freedom of speech is wonderful - right up there with the freedom not to listen.

   I asked the teller at my bank to supersize my order. Apparently, banks aren't full of would-be comedians.

   It's hard to find a birthday present that says "I think your a douche but I still want a piece of your cake please."

   If I can smell my water, I don't want it.

   Boys have to put forth real effort to get laid, while all girls have to do is stand bra-less in the wind."