Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Nobody in Yemen likes the Flintstones. Which is funny, because people of Abu Dhabi do.

   We say we love and are fully behind our soldiers risking their lives fighting for our freedom and protecting us from our enemies yet we pay them peanuts while we make millionaires out of sportmen, movie stars, Justin Bieber, the Kadarshians, Kanye west.

   At the bank, I told the cashier, "I'd like to open a joint account please." "OK with whom?" Whoever has lots of money.

   I dont understand....if you're not supposed to abuse cough syrup then why does it come with a little plastic shot glass

   Skinny girls look good in tight clothes.. butt curvy girls look good naked

   Wasn't Al Bundy's toilet also named Ferguson?

   So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.

   Claiming that someone else's marriage is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a doughnut because you're on a diet.

   taking life with a pinch of Salt...with a slice of lemon...and a shot of Tequlia!!!

   the weekend draws near.. oh liver, you know I love u..

   Why when I pump $20 worth of gas when I get to the 19th dollars it goes into retard mode and take 10 mintues for the last dollar

   My favorite text message: "I'll be there in 5 minutes...if not, read this again."

   It confuses me when I see a cougar wearing a leopard print sweater.

   man came up with a new invention: a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.

   CONFUCIUS SAYS: "Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house." hehehe!!!!!!

   Justin Bieber needs to start flying on Malaysia Airlines.

   I always make full eye contact when placing the stick that separates our groceries.

   If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, it has really low self esteem and you should exploit that for s@xual favors

   They say the world of relationships is an endless sea, but sometimes you go to bed with a mermaid, the next morning you wake up with a whale

   Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice!