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it just me or does anybody else miss the days when music on the radio sounded good, made sense, and actually required talent to make????? 
I think I'm approaching my "best if used by" date.
This Unicorn soup is freaking delicious! ~~ Noah, probably
Afraid of dying alone? Become a bus driver.
Dear people posting pics of things they got for Valentine's Day: Please stop it! Spare us the cheesiness and keep that sh!t to yourself. Sincerely, Single People
Too late to hunt buffalo, too early to fight robots, what a d!ckless generation I was born into.
Don't feel to high & mighty about yourself sweetheart, cause at the end of the day, your still like a penny ` two faced & worthless.
That Sinking Feeling: Facebook has worked very hard at making its new Timeline Profiles look like MySpace.
They say the key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time. I call "BS". Apparently it's not romantic to give a woman a see-thru nighty during confirmation.
Wait a minute. I'm supposed to believe God is on the side of the quarterback NOT married to Gisele?
Sign my online petition to stop online petitions.
FACT: it panics the nurses when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor.
Hey, dude who's still lighting fireworks at midnight, nobody would notice a couple of gunshots right now.
Never trust a straight guy who can wrap a present.
There are worse things than being far away from the one you love, like sleeping next to someone you don't.
Remember - its not how you pick the boogers, its where you put them that matters.
My house is so messy, I swear when I walk through the front door I hear the "Sandford and Son" theme song playing.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
96% percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.
With all the spam we get for p*nis enlargement pills, you'd think by now someone would have invented a pill to shrink v*ginas instead. 