Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   using your wifi

   I am Nigerian Prince. If you click “like” I send you 17 Billion Dollars. I am very genuinelyness

   If you take a muscle relaxer and a Viagra together you will end up a Gumby with a Pokey.....

   They wouldn't have to ban texting while driving if they would just legalize driving through red lights...

   Relly hopes the weekend comes as quick as some of her exes

   wondering if you have sex with a girl with multiple personalities, is it considered a "orgy"?

   Why is it that when I talk to God I am said to be praying, but when God talks to me I am said to be schizophrenic?

   thinking Scientists do it on the table... periodically

   So, I read today that NASCAR is getting fuel injection.... I also learned that when they hit 88 mph the new cars travel through time back to 1985, when the rest of us had fuel injection.

   the best things in life are free *just pay shipping & handling*

   I wish you could spray on gift wrap.

   doesn't dress up for Halloween cause I'm a character all year long...

   My daughter spilled a whole bottle of baby powder on her room because she wanted to practice ice skating. Are you serious Disney channel?

   The 5-second rule is real! Earlier I ate a chip that was on the floor for 6.7 seconds, and here I am at the ER.

   I will kill you, alarm clock. And your whole family and anyone you've ever cared about.

   I believe in ghosts. I believe in aliens. But theres no way you will ever persuade me into believing in alien ghosts. Ridiculous.

   a goal without a plan is just a wish.

   I don't run from hurricanes, I drink them.........

   has multiple personality disorder and so do i

   Just brought some things the the shop..went to pay for it and the lady at to the counter said "1.69 please". I said "Sorry.Can't I pay with money instead?"