Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.

   What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?

   Wait... which one of the Hansen boys grew up to be Taylor Swift?

   feeling like a tampon; in a good place, but at the wrong time

   Women should have one of those mood ring stones glued to their forehead.

   If I get murdered at any given time...my chalk outline will be holding a beer.

   Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn

   I'm in no position to cast the first stone, but I'll be happy to cast the next five or six.

   So now it's offensive to say All Lives Matter? I thought you wanted equality?

   I once peed a girl's name in the snow, so don't tell me I don't know romance.

   The Internet is a lot like ancient Egypt, people writing on walls and worshipping cats

   Help!!!!! I just took a bunch of these blue pills because some asian dude told me today was E-R-E-C-T-I-O-N day.

   With talk of Puerto Rico becoming the next state, we should consider adding three states. Since 53 is a prime number, we would be "one nation, indivisible".

   I bet Billy Mays is up in Heaven partying like its $19.99

   I like reverse cowgirl because he can't see me tweeting and updating my Facebook status.

   there another Harbaugh brother out there who the Bengals can hire? I'd even settle for a cousin.

   I'm black... but not "really good at basketball black."

   My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension. She said she just couldn't take it any longer.

   Women....why does your purse need a seat of it's own?

   I don't care much for tattoos. I prefer to ruin my body the old fashioned way. By weighing 400 lbs. and getting stretch marks that resemble tire tracks.