Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Hey, there's food on the ground. Let's go." "No way, it hasn't been 5 seconds yet." -germs

   SuperGlue and NonStick Pan.... One of you is lying...

   Watching a Travel Channel show on ghosts. I don't buy the Massachusetts ghost in the red flannel shirt. Thats a meth addict, not a ghost.

   Everytime I go to the pet store I feel compelled to ask the store clerk "where are all the b!tches at?"

   informed that I had offended some people with my statueses. Solution: I deleted them

   I swear to god some people you meet make you think "why didn't their parents use a condom?"

   Cancel my subscription! I am tired of your Issues....

   I need a job where I can punch stupid people all day.

   If you are going to hate on me for no apparent reason I am going to make it my business to find and give you a reason to hate me.

   I think I'll dump my coffee on my head...it'll work faster.

   Ladies: Sometimes it's the mind games you play, that drive him into the arms of another woman.

   The pain your heart feels when you have your mind set on a shoe and they tell you "We don't have your size"

   hey black guys. When you cover yourself in tatoos, you just look blacker...

   waiting on the kool-aid guy to burst through my wall!

   So, this freed Chilean miner walks into a bar, hot chick buys him a drink & says "Your place or mine?"

   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

   saw Harry Potter at midnight last night. LOL JK, I have a life.

   I named my dìck truth, because bìtchès can't handle it.

   Loves To Be Bipolar...Hates To be Bipolar

   One loyal Girlfriend is worth more than one hundred hoes..