Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   s Akon 2006 "I wanna f**k you" .. Akon 2008 " I wanna make love right now na na na" .. Akon 2010 "I just had sex!" .. poor guy waited 4 years!

   feels like something funny is gonna happen...I'm sitting next to a blackman, whiteman and a chineseman. I'm just waiting on the punchline!

   If you watch cinderella backwards its about a woman getting put in her place.

   Call a Random Phone Number and say "They didn't make the drop Kill him" them hang up. Project Mayhem.

   My EX sent me a text today saying "Happy Anniversary" I replied, best one yet.

   I just watched a dude squeeze a lime into his beer, but I'm afraid if I say anything he'll hit me with his purse.

   I overhead my neighbor on the phone telling someone I was creepy and weird. I was so mad I almost crawled out from under her bed to confront her!

   Women complain that they should be treated more equally. OK fine. Next time a ship sinks in the ocean, you ladies don't get to get off first.

   Just beat a mime to death with my air guitar.

   I'm for traditional marriage, mostly because I want to know how many goats my wife is worth.

   Hug a tree. Then rub your hands along it's trunk and tell it how knotty it is.

   Just heard a story that teens are soaking tampons in alcohol to prevent parents from smelling it on their breath. Did they quit selling gum?

   I hate when people win the lottery and insist that money won't change them, but then refuse to ever eat cat food again.

   My favorite holiday drink is the Little Drummer Boy. It's one part rum, three parts pum.

   No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

   If I was stranded on a desert island & could only bring 1 thing, I would bring Dora. That b!tch has everything in her backpack

   Inspirational status of the day: Don't be a douche.

   Dear phone. If you wouldn't remind me every ten seconds that my battery was low, I'd be able to finish my status upda

   People come in many colors. Orange should not be one of them.

   I get made fun of sometimes for being an ole dumb country boy but let me ask you something, when the economy finally falls what's gonna be more important to know? How to plant a garden, fish and hunt or knowing what then fancy opera singers is ah sayin?