Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   US soldier accused of Kiling 16 Afghans ....Well damn bring these troops home...they're stressed the fu*k out!

   I lost a friend overnight, It was very sudden. There must be a reason, but I can't for the life of me think what it might be. Now they're gone. Yesterday I had 583 friends, now only 582 I hope everyone reads this far before they say "sorry for your loss"

   I'm sorry, did someone say something about global warming? Let me remove my 3 extra layers of clothes, hat, gloves, scarf, longjohns, and earmuffs, and get comfortable under my electric blanket and then you can tell me about it.

   Thinks it's funny to watch people who drive Hummers, swerve to avoid potholes

   Bill Cosby loves pudding. Yeah, pudding his schlong where it don't belong!

   If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?

   Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.

   Roses are red violets are blue, porn hub is down. So your mother's Facebook will do

   Last week the people who wanted to delay Obamacare were called legislative arsonists and terrorists who were holding the country hostage. This week they’re called Democrats

   I'm thinking Dr. Murray will probably get a harsher sentence since Michael Jackson was white at the time of his death......just saying

   enought with your mama jokes already. Time for a daddy joke...Your daddy so ugly....he had to resort to doing it with your mama!

   A blind man walks into a shop with his dog. Suddenly,the man picks up the dog by the tail and swings it around his head. The horrified shopkeeper asks "Excuse me,sir?? Can I help you?". Blind man says "No thanks. Just having a look around."

   "Do you know why I pulled you over today?" Umm... was it so I could answer your damn riddles? Officer, you know perfectly well what I did. Let's get this done so I can get back to being late for work.

   Hold me close, young Tony Danza. Old school Elton John. Never gets old.

   proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.

   - I got stopped by a woman in the street today.... She said, "Excuse me, sir, have you had an accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault?" I said, "Yes, she's nearly 2 now."........

   went to a karaoke bar that had no 70's songs. At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

   What do you call 10 white guys sitting on a bench? The NBA.

   I picked up a Chinese girl last night at a New Year Celebration...we ended up at my place and things got pretty hot. She asked what I wanted, so I said, "69." She said, "You want Beef with Broccoli?"

   Betty White naked...whoops this isnt Google..