Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sometimes I sit down and wonder what kind of life i’d be living if my parents were really rich.

   Shout out to pizza and sunglasses for being the only thing left to be sold out of huts.

   I’ve never met a nap I didn’t like.

   David Hasselhoff's illegitimate child

   like Houdini . . . uses a lot of trap doors in his acts, but I think i'm just going through a stage.

   If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

   Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now

   Doesn't have a drinking problem, he drinks he, gets drunk, he falls down, no probablem....

   Other than changing your email to something other than jizzbucket4u@gmail.com, I'd say your resume looks pretty good.

   My phone is on its 4th charge for the day. So don't talk to me about commitment.

   When it comes to self-absorption, you’re like a sponge.

   Introduce yourself with a famous last name on the first day of any new job. Go quiet when asked if you're related to a celebrity so they'll be nice to you.

   1) Scroll to the bottom of your Facebook page. 2) On the bottom left corner, click English: US. 3) When the language selection appears, click English: Pirate. 4) watch what happens.

   having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think ive remembered this before.

   Judge me all you want... just keep the verdict to yourself

   just created a facebook page for my right hand so I can tell the world I'm in a relationship with it

   knows Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words...

   Why are Gay people so sensitive? If you can take a d*ck, surely you can take a joke..

   White girls get pregnant and get their own season of 16 and Pregnant but when Black girls get pregnant they get 30 minutes of Maury.

   Am I the only one who calculates how many hours sleep I can get before I go to sleep?!