Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Eating kale as a snack has several benefits, including no one will ever try to steal your snacks

   After just winning a four month battle with my oven clock it's dayligit saving time and back to the battle.

   The next gen iPhone has new Pay By View so you just look at what you want and pay, and sorry but I just bought your car.

   I’m wingin’ it so hard I might fly away.

   ndian housewives hold 11% of the world's gold — that's more than the reserves of the U.S, Germany, and Switzerland put together

   Sometimes I am busy tweeting and I stop and think, "did a jogger just bounce off my windshield?"

   Sometimes I sit down and wonder what kind of life i’d be living if my parents were really rich.

   Shout out to pizza and sunglasses for being the only thing left to be sold out of huts.

   I’ve never met a nap I didn’t like.

   My last loving relationship involved a spare electrical outlet at an airport departure gate.

   I just put on a fitted sheet on my bed and didn't mess up. I'm entitled to a trophy

   Pro Tip: A box of donuts placed on top of the mailbox will keep the police from breaking up your party.

   The guys from Insane Clown Posse originally started rapping while working their way through clown community college.

   "I know a good divorce lawyer" is definitely a wrong thing to say at any wedding. Hmmm now I know.

   99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

   I'm starting to find apostrophes a bit possessive.

   Now that Millennials are getting older, it's only a matter of time before we have memojis.

   You're in my thoughts and prayers I reserve for winning the lottery.

   I save all my yawns in church until everyone is singing so it looks like I'm doing my part.

   Please remember if their online dating profile photo is iffy that's the best one out of all the photos ever taken of them.