Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   So now since Mr. Laden is no longer with us does this mean gas prices are going down ?

   New report: JSOC actually used Usama's iPhone 4 to track him.

   I've started acting like my great grandpa when people are at my house, I sit in my favorite chair and hand them a dish of sh*tty candy.

   Well it turns out, the answer wasn't at the bottom of the bottle, I guess I'll have to check in the other 23...

   With science makes odorless chemicals, why again don't we have odorless alcohol?

   One day I will find a wife. Don't know who's, but I will find her...

   Valentine's Day: Reminding unhappy single people that they're unhappy & single since the 19th century.

   Sometimes the difference between pleasure and pain is one inch. The difference between being regarded flirtatious or a stalker is even shorter.

   walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. "That's total bollocks" I replied. By text, from across the road.

   I am going to make millions when I finally finish developing this iPhone app that tells you when the traffic light turns green.

   There's a special place in Hell reserved for people who use hashtags on their Facebook statuses.

   If I worked at a restaurent on Valentine's Day I would put a fake engagement ring in ever girl's drink !

   Yoga is just very slow breakdancing for White people.

   just stopped paying on a storage unit I filled with empty boxes marked electronics and grandmas jewelry...come n get it storage wars

   Divorce: A legal document for married people to hate each other.

   I just want to suffocate, sorry I mean love you.

   If you don't like my Facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends' pages where the biggest news of the day on his/her page is what she had for lunch

   If it behooves me, I don't want it.

   A 15 minute workout usually takes me 3 days.

   Ever since I was a kid I’ve had a fear of being scared.