Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Would it be legal to have a VERY loud duck-call in place of the more conventional car-horn..if it was operated in the same way?

   I’m going as Alexa for Halloween this year and answering every question with, “Sorry, I’m having trouble understanding you right now.”

   So many people are obsessed with vampires these days. Who needs vampires when a mortgage and a job are enough to suck the life out of you?

   To 16:58 commet, you're right. Teacher: "How much is a gram?" Tyronne: "It denpends on what you want."

   I love Halloween. You get free candy without having to get into anyone's van.

   If I see 1 more person texting and driving,I'm rolling down my window and throwing my bong at them..

   My ego persuades me to be a lot more confident than I should be.

   Five bucks says I'm totally broke.

   "No food or beverage." I'm guessing the only rule ignored more than that one is the speed limit.

   you move on because theres nothing else you can do

   Set a goal so big that if you achieved it, it would blow your mind

   I married my wife for her looks.But not the ones she's been giving me lately!

   I would get inappropriately angry when a contestant could not get a full spin on the big wheel on The Price Is Right. They should have been immediately ejectied from the show instead of being able to try again. It's not kindergarten.

   questioning her invisibility potion

   browsing tube8.com... Haha! I know you will open it.

   when I'm right, I'm right. When I'm wrong I could have been right. So I'm right because I could have been wrong!

   an animal rights activist against fur but not leather because it's easier to harass rich old ladies instead of motorcycle gangs.

   Funny thing about X's they are always followed by Y's

   off like a prom dress.

   n't it ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies people more than the thought of eternity.