Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   So does this mean Jay-Z has 100 problems now?

   Fun Fact: You can edit and crop a selfie so that we aren't able to see the cataclysmic disaster of dirty clothes in the background!

   Got out of listening to the door-to-door salesman's pitch by telling him I'm the cleaning lady, which really isn't even a lie.

   It's so unsettling meeting a baby with a grown man's name. No I don't want to hold Grant but can he look over my investment portfolio for me

   It's cute how Pepperidge Farms puts those paper cups between my cookies. lol,,, It doesn't even slow me down.

   Stop Facebooking about how your baby can sit up on his own. I can do that! I do it all the time!

   I have the same effect at nude beaches as sharks do at family beaches.

   Time heals all wounds. Because eventually you will be dead.

   I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...

   Nothing is crazy if you're used to doing it.

   I was just hit by a Prius. It felt like I walked into a tree.

   I feel like "cheeseburger" works better as a noun than as an adjective.

   A man who is "of sound mind" is one who keeps the inner madman under lock and key

   will stop drinking when captain morgan puts his foot down.

   Recipe for disaster: A dash of stupidity combined with copious amounts of greed and prepared by the government.

   venting on his Myspace that he cant get on his facebook...

   If you don't like the fire, don't tickle the dragon.

   Wandering if your free tonight, or is it gonna cost me?

   asks that you please refrain from posting sexist status messages. Seriously, broads HATE that! . . .

   has been cleaning so much that she must have 2 ugly step-sisters somewhere...