Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   As I got older, I thought my attitiude was starting to mellow out. Come to find out that the reason was I just didn't give a f*ck anymore!

   I believe in Karma That means I should be able to do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .

   There should be three options for facebook posts. "Like", "Dislike", and "Yep, I'm In The 95 Percentile That Doesn't Get It".

   I wonder what happened to those sexy female bodyguards of Ghaddafi.

   You know you're irritated when somebody tells you to "have a nice day" and you respond with, "Don't tell me what to do!" -__-

   Facebook seriously needs to start asking some people, “Are you SURE you want to post that stupidity?" before it allows them to update their status.

   Turns out they'll sell a wizard hat to just anybody!

   Ahh, Subway. It's the only place on Earth where you can force a woman to make you a sandwich and she can't tell you to f$ck off.

   Dumb girls....... Quit trying to look like us in photos, it's embarrassing to our species. Sincerely, Ducks.

   Maybe it's just me, but I don't mind when a woman gives me the silent treatment...I can finally hear the t.v. then!

   yesterday the ladies celebrated "National No Bra Day." Today the men celebrate "Back To Eye Contact Day" (worst holiday of the year).

   The most awkward part of a murder/suicide pact has to be deciding who goes first.

   Women need a reason to cheat, men just need another woman.

   Well I guess all the gyms are heading into their busy season for the next four to five weeks !

   Turn that baby's cry into a jazzy tune by putting a harmonica in it's mouth!

   A day without love, sex or booze is just another day closer to death.

   A clever horse needs only one touch of the whip...unless it's into that sort of thing.

   People just dont get practical jokes any more, prank calls, super glue on the toilet, the electic toaster in the bath... Sigh

   How is it when you're in kindergarten you don't want to take a nap, but in all the schools above elementary you would kill for one?

   I notice one thing in common with almost all the detective shows...shallow grave...c'mon people ..if you werent so lazy, you wouldnt be in prison..