Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Payday isn't until next week so if you need me I'll be over here eating a bowl of ramen noodles boiled in tears.

   Accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles last night. My next poop could spell trouble.

   My 6 year old is telling me a story, oh wait, now he’s 9.

   Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do....

   Hello. You have reached the incontinence hotline. Please, hold...

   I just assume I do everything wrong since I don't have a wife to confirm it.

   Not to brag but I finished up my 30 day diet plan in just 4 days.

   I don't think America should elect any President in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.

   Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.

   I'm glad I live in Kentucky now. Cause when the Gov shuts down the liquor stores will still be open

   Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I bothknow I don't make enough money to have a drugproblem

   It's all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it's voodoo dolls and arson reports.

   I'd get a life, but it might get in the way of me reaching my potential on the internet.

   Taxticles: What the IRS comes for when you are out of arms and legs.

   Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!

   Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.

   Making popcorn for these Facebook movies.

   been here for some time now and agree, funny guy needs to go engineer some you know whats

   The main message women seemed to take away from Cinderella is it's okay to take your shoes off when you go out.

   Hey UNITED, my ex is flying from Atlanta to San Antonio, flight 2145 row 12, seat D. Do your thing