Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just found a liquor store that gives air-miles. Should be visiting the Great Wall of China next week!!!

   How come everything with mexican origins is devastating....el nino...derecho winds.....taco bell.

   I wish I could have sex for everytime I was turned down for sex

   I get it, you're an a$$hole. You don't have to keep proving it to me.

   I like to welcome visitors to my home with a warm, and sincere 'Goodbye'.

   I prefer to drink in the comfort of my own home where I can yell and scream at the ones I love in peace and quiet.

   Facebook is a great way to connect with boring people who are bad at the internet.

   It's not you, It's your posts,, Wait ? You write them,, Nevermind, It's you

   Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.

   I passed out on the sidewalk, because a jeep full of douchebags, wearing too much Axe Body spray just went by.

   Often we fail to appreciate those closest to us... Soooo, go waaaaaaaay over there, I would appreciate it...

   Life is way too short to have matching socks.

   Your coffee was getting cold - Was the best excuse I could come up with after my boss caught me farting in his beverage.

   Sometimes I think lonely and crazy go hand in hand.

   The Mars Rover sends a signal to Earth from the edge of space and my cell phone cant go under a bridge without dropping a call? Screw you Sprint!

   Maybe if you had a perfect attendance record in school as you do in the club your life would be better off.

   Nothing’s forever. Forever’s a lie. All we have is what’s between hello and goodbye.

   Alberto Morales found out the hard way that you, "Don't mess with Texas!"

   I only watch porn to get decorating ideas.

   I saw what Kristen Stewart looked like and started laughing so hard I totally forgot what I was gonna say...