Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When you see cupid,b!tch slap the little punk 4 me will ya!!!!!

   just b/c a hoe is throwin it at you don't mean you gotta take it. its like boxing, you don't take every punch thrown, dodge that b1tch.

   That O-line gives up more sacks than Jenna Jameson takes in the chin.

   Listen, I didn't come to the dog park to "connect with other dog owners." I came here so my dog can take a dump as much as he pleases, and I don't have to clean up after him because no one can prove it was him.

   likes "Mad Libs" because it is (adjective).

   OMG!! I Just failed my theory test. Apparently female drivers aren't a hazard.

   The grass may look greener . . . but it's Astroturf.

   Everybody has a box somewhere with some weird sh*t in it.

   The cool little wooshy thing the cards do at the end always makes the hours I spend trying to win Solitare on the computer well worth it.

   The police should make criminals open Facebook accounts. It seems the easiest way to get a confession out of them without any interrogation.

   Fact: zoning out is your brain's way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”

   Kiss me ~ it's midnight somewhere.

   Beers should come with a "May reverse bros before hoes" warning.

   You know you're getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.

   If I could fly, I'd probably still just sit around and complain alot.

   My amazing existence should qualify as a community service.

   India's population before the blackout was 1.2 Billion....After the blacout its supposed to gorow by another 300 million:)

   My morning glory is lots of coffee and nobody contacting me before noon.

   My 6 year old tried to karate chop a watermelon at the supermarket. Thanks Fruit Ninja

   Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It's a free country really.