Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Saying "I fell in love with a dictator" is something I will never say in my life.
←Rate | 10-12-2021 18:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Imagine you're a NASCAR driver, your name is Brandon, and someone asks you to define the most pivotal moment of your career.
←Rate | 10-12-2021 15:58 by FromAP Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does anyone know when Boy Scout cookies go on sale? Thanks.
←Rate | 10-12-2021 08:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [being chased by a murderer] can we slow down I’m not wearing a bra
←Rate | 10-12-2021 08:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would like to die by being waterboarded by a soft serve ice cream machine.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 18:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Indigenous Peoples' Day everyone! If that offends you then too bad for you.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 16:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Scream movies would never happen in this day and age because every time the killer would call we’d just let it go to voicemail.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 13:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're going to mess around with opioids - overdoses happen, and usually Narcan until it can't.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 12:14 by KennyH Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's sad when I search, "Delta variant", and all but one are about the airline.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 10:30 by KennyH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whether you're a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 09:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 08:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m afraid of a world run by people who were never spanked as a kid and given a trophy just for participating.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 08:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For animals with an "amazing sense of smell" dogs sure do sniff piles of turds for a long time before realizing "Whoops, these are turds"
←Rate | 10-11-2021 08:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In hell your laundry is all fitted sheets.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 08:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love Halloween, it is the one day of the year people don't question my sanity.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wild falcons live to be about 13, so all the falcons in the wild today were born in the 21st century. They’re millennial falcons.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I PASSED THE BAR!!!! So proud of myself, I really wanted to get a shot of tequila but I just passed it and kept on walking.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Asking for her hand in marriage means something entirely different if your name’s Frankenstein.
←Rate | 10-11-2021 08:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Interviewer: your resume is very impressive, but what would you say is your biggest weakness Me: lying on my resume probably
←Rate | 10-11-2021 08:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stonehenge was just a failed Neolithic game of Jenga
←Rate | 10-11-2021 08:10 Comments (0)  

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